University of Georgia

Looking Back

As I look back and reflect on my undergraduate journey, I'm reminded of the mistakes, missed opportunities, challenges, and growth I've experienced along the way. I think about how naive I was when I first started college and how much I've learned to perceive the world differently since then. I remember the hard work I put into my studies, the moments of loneliness while struggling to form friendships, and how I've grown into a more confident, self-assured, and independent person through sheer determination and trial and error.

Dedication Decay and Rise

I must admit, the same level of educational curiosity and vigor that I had when I first started university has diminished over the years. Above all, I feel burnt out and eager to explore life beyond the classroom. I'm excited about the prospect of earning a substantial income and building a life for myself. In fact, I'm writing this post during classroom lecture, where the lecture seems like little more than a distant hum in my ears. In the past, I would've felt guilty for not paying attention, but now it all seems to feel burdensome instead of invigorating. I have an internship starting in January, and I'm eagerly counting down the days until it begins. As I struggle to maintain my focus in class and watch my financial situation become more and more dire, I'm feeling impatient. My life seems like it's on pause, in limbo. I'm pushing through my classes, determined to secure good grades, but it's challenging to find the motivation.

Purging the Pressures

Growing up, I often felt inadequate. Whether it was my struggles in baseball or the rejections I faced while searching for internship opportunities, I constantly doubted myself. My inner critic worked overtime, scrutinizing my every move and causing me a great deal of stress. A little over six months ago, I met my girlfriend. It was my first romantic relationship. I've seen many people say that if you're not happy with yourself, you won't be happy in a relationship, but I beg to differ. It's through each other that we construct and realize ourselves. I realized this through my experience with her. I've improved myself so much while being and living with her. If it weren't for her, I'd still be lost in this world. And it's through my experience with her that I've also finally come to realize how lucky I am to have people in my life like her, my brothers, and my father. It's an ongoing process to purge these internal pressures and learn to live and be happy with who I am.

The Forwardness of Hindsight

We often see the future best through the lens of the past and present. I sense my life is building towards something meaningful, even though I sometimes grapple with imposter syndrome and self-confidence issues. I try my best to remain calm and proud of my circumstances, where I've been, and where I'm headed.